Team Wilson
by angelofjoy
Summary: Wilson takes on his own fellows and in true House style the Hazing is about to begin. Who will come out one top?  Contains The same characters and Team make ups as E is for Erythrocyte. PLEASE R R
1. The Team

Chapter 1: The Team

House sat quietly at his desk musing over the new pictures in the novelty electronic picture frame, that sat on the corner of his desk. He had become remarkably attached to Rachel and to Cuddy. Completely out of character for himself, he had placed pictures of Cuddy and the little girl on his desk and he really liked them. He knew that Cuddy had her own collection of pictures in her office and he went down often to see them. By day they were their usual selves. She ran the hospital: caused headaches, rectified collective agreements, and House's personal favourite: bossed him (and his team) around. In response House was an ass, avoided his responsibilities, cured unbelievable cases, and caused Cuddy to question her own sanity more often than she was comfortable with. No one would have suspected the change that had occurred had they not already known what was really going on. Those who knew him the best knew he had gone soft for the little girl and her mother. He worried excessively at the slightest sign of the sniffles and cursed himself when he realized how foolish he was being, but at work, for the most part nothing had changed for Gregory House, M.D.

As House listened to the 1980 Glenn Gould recording of the Goldberg Variations he thought about how his life had changed. He was pleased with his work. His team worked well together, he continued to be effective as usual, recklessly defiant, but at the same time he had found happiness and balance in the world. He lived drug free, coping with his pain and happy to know that there were people in his life that cared. He laughed at himself in acknowledgement of the changes that had taken place and how ridiculous he would have thought them to be if they had happened to anyone else. Yes, as the virtual picture changed from one picture of Rachel to another, and then another, he realized that he had gone soft but only by those who really mattered. It was easy to become distracted by it but he would work his way through it.

Without noticing it at first, House began to hear voices in his side office, it wasn't unusual to hear people as that was the primary gathering location for the fellows under his charge. He was content to have two of his three original team members with him, Doctor Chase and Doctor Forman. To round off the team the two newer members, Doctor Taub, a womanizing plastic surgeon and his newest, a Doctor Victoria Cicciliano, who reminded him of both mother Theresa and Mussolini all wrapped into one killer body. If anything, the woman of the group was there for all the men to look at but, lucky for her, she was also very smart and interested in learning House's methods. She had taken on the task of restoring House's files to their former glory, as established by Doctor Cameron, and made some wicked Biscotti that he had come to love and crave. The team had worked well together and the men had become reliant on Cicciliano as a leader and person to stand up to House.

House was sitting at his desk deep in thought, and payed little attention to what was happening in the other room until he could hear Wilson's voice among the babble that permeated into the other side of the office.

"What is Wilson doing consulting my team?" House asked himself rising from his desk. He turned to find strangers in his conference room with Wilson and his white board.

House did not play well with others and most of the time wouldn't let anyone else write on his white board: he was very possessive of his markers. Housed hobbled into the conference room and glared at Wilson and the unknown faces that stared silently back at him.

"What the hell?" House asked. "There is a board room up a floor and down the hall."

"Yeah we know," Wilson said, "there is also a union meeting and issues with the collective bargaining agreement, so Cuddy is in conference there."

"Ok… so there are three of you, why aren't you in your own office?" House asked.

"Team, this is Doctor House. You will see him often, don't worry about his rambling he's just a grumpy old man." Wilson said addressing the young doctors.

"Wilson, what is going on here?" House demanded again.

"I've taken on my own fellows," Wilson stated, "this is Doctor Bennett and this is Doctor Robinson."

House looked strangely at the man and the woman that sat at the table facing the white board.

"Still doesn't explain why you're in my office," House stated bluntly.

"Because I don't have a place for them just yet, and we have work to do." Wilson said.

"Well where is my team?" House asked.

Wilson shrugged.

"Hum!" House huffed and walked out of the office.

"Cuddy told me to use your office!" Wilson said as he followed House out of the office.

"Sure she did," House said as he walked toward the elevator.

"What are you doing?" Wilson asked.

"I am going to get to the bottom of this." House stated. "And don't touch my white board! That's for my team and my team only!"

"House it's a white board!" Wilson said rolling his eyes.

"IT'S MINE! And the markers are mine too! No one touches my markers except me," House yelled and stuck his tongue out at Wilson before the elevator door closed.


	2. Oh no you didn't

Chapter 2: Oh no you didn't

The elevator moved far too slowly for House's liking. He was fuming and jealous all at the same time. It was days like this when he really cursed his disability. House was angry that his office had been invaded by Wilson and his new team. He had been the only doctor in the hospital with a diagnostic team and didn't see why other doctors would need their own. He was the head of diagnostic medicine after all, so he needed his peeps.

"What does an oncologist need a team for anyway?" House huffed, "He already had a whole department. He's used my team before! Why does he need his own! Bah this just will not fly with me."

The elevator stopped in the lobby and House exited, his path already predetermined. He marched into Cuddy's office and found her face to face with Dr. Cicciliano. Both women stopped and stared at House as he began to pace by the door.

"What is the meaning of this? House demanded. "You realize there is going to have to be a throw down!"

"Wilson won't be there long," Cuddy said as she stood, "I'm having the supply room converted to accommodate his new fellows."

House smiled at the idea of Wilson packed into a janitor's closet with his fellows, "what am I to do before then?" he asked.

"You don't have a case right now, so I would suggest you take some time in the clinic." Cuddy answered.

"Oh no you didn't!" House stated sarcastically. "You did this just to get me to put in my clinic hours, didn't you?"

"No, that was not my initial plan," Cuddy stated with a smiled, "I have been suggesting Wilson take on fellows for quite a while."

"What does an oncologist need fellows for?" House asked.

"How are they going to learn if we don't have doctors that are willing to teach them?" Cuddy asked baffled by his conceit. "Princeton Plainsboro is a teaching hospital, or did you forget that little part? It's only in our mission statement!"

"Yeah, I have better things to do than read one of your official memos!" House said. "What are you doing here?" He demanded turning to Cicciliano.

"Staging a coup," Cicciliano stated sarcastically.

"Oh Mussolini I have my eyes on you!" House said just as sarcastically.

"And I have a fresh batch of biscotti to distract you," Cicciliano said.

"We're arranging a schedule for your outer office so that you can be just as productive, if not more so, while Wilson is using it." Cuddy said.

"So that Wilson and his team can work in peace?" House asked sarcastically, "What if I find a case?" he asked. "And what if some emergency comes up and we just have to have a meeting to diagnose and it's during Wilson's time, what then?"

"You are just going to have to learn to play nice," Cuddy said. "Or momma's going to put you in a time out." She added.

"I want lawn furniture for my balcony then!" House stated, "the fresh air will be good for my team. They are cooped up in the hospital too often."

"What?" Cuddy laughed.

"You heard me," House said and headed for the door. "You could fit two nice sofas and maybe a chair out there and a coffee table. Maybe a nice potted plant or a mini bar!" he added. "You bring the snacks!" he said pointing at Cicciliano.

"You can't get patio furniture because Wilson is using your conference room!" Cuddy stated.

"Vitamin D!" House stated, "My team is low, they should be outside in the sun! I tested them. All of them! It's bad for their development. You know you shouldn't keep the kidlettes locked up in the house!"

"You didn't have them tested!" Cuddy said rolling her eyes, "And their not children, they are professionals."

"Fine!" House stated, "I'll steal it from the cancer ward's courtyard then. They have some really nice stuff out there!" he added. "Call up your mafia buddies, Cicciliano, they can help us with our smuggling ring!" he said with a wink and left the office.

"He's not serious is he?" Cicciliano asked once he left them alone.

"He's serious," Cuddy said and pulled and IKEA catalogue out of her desk. "What do you think of this wicker sofa?" she asked turning the magazine toward Cicciliano.

"You are going to get him furniture? Just like that?" Victoria asked with a laugh.

"I would rather just order it now and not fight over it." Cuddy said.

"He has you completely whipped!" Cicciliano laughed.

"He has had for many years!" Cuddy confessed. "What can I say, he's the best doctor we have and I have given in to his every whim for far too long. There is no chance of rehabilitation. I am an enabler and House is an addict."

Cicciliano sigh, rolled her eyes and fell into her chair again. "Yeah that sofa is nice, not with those cushions though and the coffee table in the picture would probably fit as well on the balcony and look, it's on sale," she said unenthusiastically.

"Sold," Cuddy said, picked up the phone and placed the order.


	3. Win, team House

Chapter 3: Win, team House

Later that afternoon House returned to his office. He had spent a couple of hours in the doctor's lounge outside of the neonatal unit watching his soaps and eating their food before taking a nap and then watched an open heart surgery. When he finally went back to the office he found Wilson still in conference with his new fellows, a schedule on the door, and cardboard all over the place. Cuddy stood by the doors that lead out onto the balcony.

"What's going on now?" House asked

"IKEA had a sale," Cuddy answered

House looked out the door and saw the workers on the balcony and the wicker furniture. It was nearly all assembled and his assessment was correct, there was plenty of room. Cuddy had managed to fit two sofas and an armchair, as well as a decent sized coffee table. It suited the balcony as well as the décor on the inside of his office and the black and red combination against the brick looked decent enough.

"That was fast," House smiled.

"Well, it was either get it done today or deal with moving all the stolen goods back to the cancer ward," Cuddy said. "I hope you're happy, I took it out of your budget."

"What do I need a budget for," House smiled.

"You have one of the highest cost rates in the hospital," Cuddy said angrily. "You are the man that likes to blow up our MRI machines remember."

"It was money well spent!" House chuckled to himself. "It was quite a show!"

"House, be serious!" Cuddy said angrily. "You owe me big time."

"Want to share a bottle of wine on my new party patio at five?" he asked Cuddy playfully. "I'll pay you for every dime!" he winked.

"No," she answered, "we are taking Rachel to her play date, remember. We promised to have dinner with the Parkers while the girls play."

"Damn, I totally forgot." House said

"Why do you have other plans?" Cuddy asked.

"Nothing that really matters," He answered.

"Have you found a case?" she asked

"No," he said.

"Then what do you have planned?" Cuddy asked as she stood in front of him so that he couldn't escape.

"Nothing," he said, "it doesn't matter to me as much as you and Rachel, and if dinner out with the Parkers will make you happy then I'm going to dinner with the Parkers."

"It will make me happy, and playing with Lucy will make Rachel happy," Cuddy smiled.

He smiled back at her and fell into one of the new balcony sofas as the workers cleared out and the cardboard was removed by the janitorial staff.

Wilson watched in confusion as the office was cleared of its debris.

"Hey Wilson, come hang out!" House yelled through the glass window that looked into the conference room, "Oh wait you can't you have to work!"

"House, stop tormenting Wilson," Cuddy said.

"Oh, them be the cards, little lady," House laughed, "until Wilson is out of my office I will be tormenting him and his team. Productivity will be very low for your head of oncology. The master is at work. Sit back and watch me work my magic."

"If you are planning anything that may hinder Wilson and his team you have to know that I will be taking Wilson's side and you will not get away with anything," Cuddy said leaning against the sofa arm.

"I'm sorry I didn't hear you. You'll have to speak up if you plan to wear a top that low-cut; Patty and Selma are staring right at me." He said, grinning as he looked down her shirt.

"House, I'm serious!" Cuddy said frustrated with him, "this is good for the hospital."

"Whatever the girls want I'm good with," He said still staring at her breasts.

Cuddy rolled her eyes and headed for the office door, "maybe I should just stick around and flash you all day; you'll be too distracted to care about Wilson."

"Please do!" House said.

"Contrary to popular belief, I do actually work around here." Cuddy said angrily.

"What should I wear to the play date?" House called after her.

"Something appropriate," Cuddy said.

"Well you'd better be changing cause that shirt is inappropriate!" House stated.

"I'll be looking every bit the soccer mom, I assure you." Cuddy stated.

"I will not be looking like a hockey dad!" House said.

"Just don't look like from bum off the street and I will be happy," Cuddy said.

"I don't look like a bum now do I?" he asked looking at his vintage t-shirt and jeans.

"You kinda do," Cuddy sighed. "It's not like you're a doctor or anything."

"It's not like I deal with patients!" House said.

Cuddy practically growled at him as she stomped away.

"Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!" he retorted, "we all know it's big enough!"

"Don't stay out in the sun too long; this hospital isn't going to cover your melanoma surgeries!" Cuddy stated, "and I doubt Wilson will want to treat your cancer if you are planning to mess with him- and we both know you are!"

House winked at Cuddy.

"If you see my team send them up here," House added as he stretched out, his feet on the new coffee table.

"Page them yourself," Cuddy called from inside and left.

"There's no phone out here!" he yelled before she left.


	4. Patio Party

Chapter 4: Patio Party

Wilson spent most of the afternoon in conference with his team. House tried to ignore it as he would normally his own team, but the distraction was far greater. He really didn't see the need for Wilson to have any fellows. He wanted to barge in there make a scene and send them all packing. Cancer was cancer- it was pretty boring as far as he was concerned, and the office was his safe haven, no one else needed to be in there but him and his team. He also dreaded that Wilson would be far more occupied with his fellows, who would always be around, and he wouldn't be able to take refuge in Wilson without being stared at and chastised by the new guys.

Chase, Taub, Forman and Cicciliano walked into the office together before the end of the day. They had spent their working day far more productively than House had and at least each one of them put on the airs of a doctor when they were below levels in the patient care areas. He looked them over, one by one, as they filled into the office and looked through the glass at the conference that was going on in the other room. House stood from his desk and headed for the door, he opened it and motioned for the team to head out onto the balcony.

"Welcome to Doctor House's Party Patio!" House said as they stepped out.

"Nice!" Chase stated as he fell onto a sofa.

The sun was high in the sky and the weather was beautiful, the sweet smell of spring filled the air and the campus below buzzed with activity. The stress of the hospital seemed to melt away as they gathered together.

"Why are we out here?" Forman asked as he waited for House to start.

"Cause we have to share the office with Wilson," Cicciliano said.

"Not for long," House said, "but I did manage to get us a patio makeover!"

"I could get used to this," Chase smiled, "it would be better with some of that ice cream you scored for my bachelor party!"

"That is a great idea Chase!" House said.

"Should I even ask?" Cicciliano asked

"No," Forman said.

"What? We had a Sunday bar!" House said. "With flash frozen alcohol; it was delicious!"

"And inebriating!" Taub said.

"I would prefer a nice red wine." Cicciliano laughed.

"Those were my thoughts," House said.

"So why are we here?" Forman asked again

"We need to find something to do!" House stated, "I can't handle Wilson in my office anymore. Has anything come through the clinic?"

"No," Forman answered, "it's been a really slow day."

"ER?" House asked.

Chase and Cicciliano both nodded in the negative.

"There has to be something!" House said impatiently.

"There just isn't," Taub said, "unless you want to catch up on your paper work!"

"Ewe no! That Cicciliano's job anyway," House stated. "If there really isn't anything to do then I will be making a run for it."

"You can't run," Forman stated.

"Ouch! Low blow, Forman," House said sarcastically, "you hurt my feelings!" he mocked.

"Where are you going?" Taub asked.

"I have some stuff I need to get done before I meet Cuddy tonight, you guys can go back to whatever you were doing before I paged you up here. I would suggest the bottle of wine and flaunt your fun for Wilson and his team. The party patio should be christened!" House said.

"The hospital is licensed!" Chase smiled, "send the Italian out to get us a good wine!"

"Offensive," Cicciliano stated.

"Ok boys and girl play nice," House said and left the office.

"Well what should we do?" Chase asked.

"I'm down with hanging out!" Forman said.

"I'll play along," Cicciliano smiled as she got up, "does anyone else want some coffee and biscotti?"

All hands shot up.

"To make House happy open the blinds while you're in there and they can watch us lounge in comfort!" Chase said.

"A slow day at the hospital," Taub shook his head, "you know as soon as we get comfortable something will happen."

"Bring it on," Chase smiled.


	5. Test Drive Daddy

Chapter 5: Test Drive Daddy

House showed up at Cuddy's punctually as usual. He was dressed as appropriately as he possibly could. Black pants and a pressed shirt with a tie was all he could think of to wear out on a play date. He rang the door bell, heard the squeals of the little girl behind the door and smiled to himself.

"Greg!" Rachel cried and jumped into his arms as the door opened.

"Jelly Bean!" House said and she kissed him. "I like your dress!" he said.

"I like your tie!" Rachel said.

"I do too," Cuddy said as she leaned on the door jam.

"Cute, matching dresses, I like it!" House said as he noticed that the fabric was the same. He put Rachel down and leaned in to kiss Cuddy. Rachel ran away from them into the house and plopped herself down at the piano and continued her practicing. "The scales sound great Rachel, keep up the good work!"

"C major!" Rachel sang along.

"I had them made special," Cuddy said blushing. "Is it too much? Does it make me look ridiculous?" she asked.

"No, the dress is nice and Rachel looks great! You should have had a tie made and we could be every bit the sickly sweet little family." He smiled.

"If I said I did, would you wear it?" Cuddy asked the blush on her cheeks growing darker.

"Lisa, if you want me to, I will." House said.

"Thank you," She smiled and the headed into the house. "And I didn't so don't worry about being made ridiculous!"

"Thank you, I would have had to make your life hell tomorrow at work." House smiled and walked to the piano and sat down beside Rachel.

House played a little tune with Rachel in C major before turning the page in the music book and looking at the G major scale. "Same patterns as C major but this time start on G and play the F sharp," he said to her and he watched as she slowly moved her fingers over the keys in the hands together scale patterns. "Good job." He said and the little girl continued to play.

When Cuddy was ready to leave, Rachel jumped down from the piano bench and ran to find her coat. Cuddy paced nervously.

"Why are you nervous?" House asked as he pulled her into his arms to stop her nervous behaviour.

"Do you think this is a mistake?" she asked.

"What us?" he asked. "If you are talking about us I'm sorry for doing whatever I did to make you doubt."

"No, not about us," Cuddy smiled, "about going out to the Parkers."

"Well, for one, its not a play date because we will not be playing although I wish we were," He said slyly, "and two, I'm probably not the best person to take out to a 'meet the parents' night, but I will try my best to make you proud."

Cuddy laughed at him.

"It's a good idea," House admitted, "Rachel needs to socialize and you need to see people outside of the hospital and in a completely different setting. This is no time for Doctor Cuddy to show her face. Lisa Cuddy, mother of Rachel Cuddy on the other hand, will have a great time just being a mom and talking about mom things, with Lucy's mom."

"And you?" Cuddy asked.

"I'll sit idle and comment when the subject suits me." He answered. "I can participate in polite conversations, I swear!"

Cuddy smiled and was made calm by the man she had fallen in love with.

Rachel returned with her coat and little white dress shoes that matched the trim of her dress and the white, frilly socks she was wearing. Cuddy loaded her child into the car seat and they departed for their play date.

Upon arrival in the Parkers' driveway, dread began to set in. House didn't play well with others. He hated meeting people and talking about senselessness and personal matters. It all made him very uncomfortable and confrontational but he realized that Lisa Cuddy had him whipped and the only reason he was going was because she wanted to feel like she had some semblance of a perfect little American dream.

House rolled his eyes as they pulled up to the perfect little picturesque house, on the perfect little street full of perfectly lined little fences in what House had aptly named a perfect little suburban hell. Everything around him looked the same, from the facades of the houses to the manicured lawns and the white picket fences.

"Man this place is over the top," House whispered.

"It is kind of ridiculous," Cuddy agreed.

"Parker is a dentist right?" House asked sarcastically, "and Mrs. Parker is a stay at home gold digger?"

"No," Cuddy said in a hushed voice as they walked along the perfect little garden path to the front door, "Mrs. Parker is actually the honorable judge Amelia Parker and Mr. Parker is the primary violinist with the metropolitan opera's orchestra." She explained.

"Fascinating," House said raising his eyebrow, "this could be very interesting after all. I wonder who wears the pants in this relationship!"

"Gregory please, you need to be on your best behavior!" Cuddy said as she rang the door bell.

"Shouldn't you be saying that to Rachel?" House asked sarcastically.

"No, I play well with others!" Rachel laughed. "You only play well with mommy and me!"

"That's because I only like you and your mommy," House smiled as the little girl giggled at him.

"Lisa it is good to see you!" Mr. Parker said as he opened the door and smiled like an idiot.

"Allan, it is good to see you too!" Cuddy smiled and stepped into the house. The yhugged, he took hers and Rachel's coats and ushered them into the house.

"This is my good friend, Doctor Gregory House," Cuddy said as Allan turned to shake his hand.

"Pleasure to meet you," House said and smiled like an idiot.

"The pleasure is all mine," Allan said, "Lisa tells me you are a bit of a musician, piano I believe."

"Yes," House answered in the affirmative, "Lisa mentioned you played with the Met."

"Yes," Allan smiled, "it's very rewarding."

"I'm sure it is!" House said and looked at Cuddy, his eyes practically bugging out of his head.

"Honey, this is Gregory House and you remember Lisa," Allan said as they came into the kitchen to find his wife ready with an open bottle of wife.

"Nice to meet you Doctor House," Amelia Parker said as she stepped forward to shake his hand, "I have heard much about you."

"Bad things I am sure," House said.

"Your reputation does precede you," she said honestly, "but I also hear you are the best."

"I don't know about that," House said humbly while Cuddy rolled her eyes at him.

He winked when he saw the amusement on Cuddy's face.

"Lucy, Rachel is here to play!" Allan called up the grand stairs, proceeded by the sound of little feet bounding down.

"Lucy, please don't run in the house, dear," Amelia scolded.

"Rachel!" Lucy cheered.

"Hello," Rachel smiled.

"May we play in my room?" Lucy asked.

"Yes you may," Her mother said and the two little girls left.

"She's precious!" Cuddy smiled.

Lucy Parker was a child of nearly three but whom had been a part of Rachel's life from a very early age. Allan had been one of her childhood friends and they had kept in touch all through school and later. When the idea of a child came to Cuddy's mind she had consulted the new father and was determined to bring the two families together. The girls played very well together and found companionship in one another. Lisa was pleased to venture into suburbia to give her daughter the chance at a good little childhood friendship.

"Can I offer you some wine?" Allan Parker asked as he motioned to a sitting room off the kitchen.

"Thank you that would be lovely," Cuddy said as she and House sat down together.

"So, Lisa, how's the hospital?" Allan asked a little amusement in his eyes.

"It hasn't burnt down yet, though some people have tried," Cuddy said, "so I guess its alright."

"And your practice?" Amelia asked.

"Oh, its hardly a practice," Cuddy said blushing, "when I am not working as an administrator to the hospital I work in our walk in clinic. My cliental are primarily first come first serve."

"And you, Greg," Amelia asked with a nod to Cuddy.

"I take whatever case interests me at the time," House answered, "I deal with the puzzles that slip through the cracks. Most of the time the cases that interest me are turn offs for the other doctors. They see medicine as an in and out profession. Its all about time management and efficiency but if you diagnose wrong then all kinds of dangers face that patient. I don't like to let a patient go until I know exactly what is wrong."

"Easily diagnosed illnesses are a bore to him," Cuddy said.

"I don't blame him," Amelia smiled, "an open and shut case seems hardly worth my time, and though justice is served it holds no lesson to be learned; most of the time those that offend in an open manner reoffend as soon as they have served their time. I would imagine diseases are pretty much the same?" she asked.

"Exactly," House smiled, "but the really good ones like to disguise themselves, steel one identity and make it their own. A good disease is like a serial killer; it is silently reaping havoc and causing incredible fear until someone catches up to it. It will leave disaster in its wake but it can be stopped, for the most part."

"I like your analogy, Doctor," Amelia said.

Cuddy stared in disbelief at the conversation that carried on before her. Mrs. Parker had found exactly the subject to talk to House about and she could see that the hostess was greatly enjoying the mysteries that House brought before her.

After dinner, a delicious lobster, mack and cheese for the kids, and apple tarts, Mr. Parker invited them to join him in his music room and again found a subject near to House's heart. The ladies watched in silent admiration as the two gentlemen, both of musical minds played, House at the piano and Allan with his violin, in an impromptu concert of Vivaldi violin compositions.

"I have to say, Greg, you know your way around the instrument," Allan complimented as they had finished and settled into the living room once again.

"I have been playing since I was a boy," House admitted, "I wanted to be a concert pianist until I finished high school. Then it became more of my hobby, the one thing that could calm me down while studying medicine. I would have never made it to where I am today if I did not have my piano and all my music."

"You still play often enough I would imagine," Allan said.

"Everyday, for hours!" House admitted. "Unless I am with Lisa, then I'm afraid my piano falls by the weigh side."

"That isn't entirely true," Cuddy smiled, "Greg has taken to teaching Rachel. She has become serious enough that I have bought a piano for her and the two of them spend hours at it."

"That's fantastic," Allan said enthusiastically, "there cannot ever be too many child prodigies. Do you believe Rachel has what it takes?" he asked.

"Absolutely," House smiled, "but then again I may be biased on that front."

"I am sure you are a very proficient teacher for the little girl," Amelia added to the conversation.

"For now I will do, but there will come a time when Rachel will need the guidance of a true teacher. I am too soft on the little one, but a professional piano instructor will teach her the discipline she needs to be really good." House confessed.

"Spoken like a true musician," Allan smiled, "I would be just as lenient with my Lucy. She has shown an interest in piano herself. We've recently found her an instructor that I believe is very good. Would you like the number?" he asked, his question directed at Cuddy.

"Sure," she answered with a smile.

"There are to be many more piano recitals in our future," Allan said smiling again.

House looked at Cuddy and raised an eyebrow.

As darkness began to fall and the prospects of another day loomed Cuddy decided it would be best to get Rachel home. It would be yet another early morning and all the troubles of the hospital waited for them. After calling for the girls twice Allan went upstairs in search of them while Amelia, the ever grateful hostess, made all of the social conclusions and inquiries of the evening. Allan returned with a sleeping Rachel in his arms.

"Take this," House whispered to Cuddy as he passed her his cane and took the sleeping child from Allan's arms.

"They were both asleep in a pile of stuffed animals and Band-Aids," Allan laughed quietly.

"She's going to be a doctor as well," House smiled.

"Why am I not surprised?" Allan laughed and hugged Cuddy once more. "Thank you for coming, we will have to do this again."

House and Cuddy both nodded in the affirmative and left the house. They moved slowly down the garden path, House treading lightly and choosing his footing carefully. Though he limped he was steady enough with the little girl in his arms and placed her gently into her car seat before taking his seat.

"I liked them," House said as they pulled away from the curb, "they compliment each other well, sense and ridiculousness all at the same time."

"House, honestly," Cuddy laughed.

"What?" he asked, "I'm right and you know it. She is the alpha and he is an eccentric."

"He always has been," Cuddy smiled, "but you liked him."

"He's a brilliant musician," House admitted.

"You aren't so bad yourself," she smile and the conversation continued pleasantly all the way home.


	6. Morning Mayhem

Chapter 6: Morning Mayhem.

The next morning dawned with the crashing of thunder and a little girl curled up between her mother and her mother's boyfriend. The thunder frightened Rachel to the point of tears as the clouds rolled in that night, and though House had every intention of going home, he had stayed. The night had been a busy one for all of them and House and Cuddy tried to enjoy some quiet time together but before anything could begin the thunder shook the house and the little girl screamed in absolute fear. Rachel latched onto House in her sleepiness and would not let him go. Cuddy had tried to coax her away but Rachel was not having it. House was staying and that was that. The storm never let up. The night was sleepless, except for short intervals, for the three of them, and all too soon Cuddy's alarm signaled the beginning of another day, and though Rachel was terrified Cuddy and House had work to do. Cuddy left before he did, she had meetings to plan for and press interviews to give on the status of their union agreements. House waited at Cuddy's with Rachel for the nanny.

"I have to go to work, Jelly Bean," House said softly to the little girl he rocked in his arms.

"I'm scared," Rachel wept into his chest.

"The thunder can't hurt you," House said softly her tear stained face looking up at him pleadingly.

"Why is God so angry," she whispered.

"Its not angry," House said, "it's just loud, it's like the base notes in the piano, strong and bold."

"Why is God so loud?" She asked as another clap of thunder shook the house.

House had been trying to avoid the 'god' conversation with the little girl for a long time. He didn't believe as Cuddy did and he wasn't sure what to say around someone as young as Rachel. He didn't want to make her more upset than she already was and he didn't want to say anything that would later cause Cuddy's wrath to fall upon him, but the child didn't let up in her questions and so he had to face the talk head on.

"He's loud because he's having a good time," House said.

"God is having a good time?" Rachel asked quizzically.

"Yes, he and Elijah and Moses they hang out all the time," House said making it up as he went. "They like to bowl you see, like when I took you out bowling. You had fun right?" he asked.

"Yes," She answered.

"Well they go bowling and they make lots of noise and that's what you hear. It's like the pins at the alley when they all fall down." House said.

"There is bowling in heaven?" Rachel asked skeptically.

"Do you like bowling?" House asked.

"Yes," She answered.

"Then why can't God like bowling?" he asked.

"I guess he can," Rachel said. "It must be a really big bowling alley if it is making this much noise," she added.

"Huge!" House laughed.

He had done it, calmed the little girl down and lightened her fears. He felt pretty good about it as he put her down and she ran off to tell her nanny all about God and the bowling alley.

"I should tell Cuddy what I told her kid," House said to himself, "she may not like this turn of event."

House walked through the halls of Cuddy's place until he found the little girl and the nanny, "Rachel, I have to go to work, but I will be back later ok?" he said.

"You promise you are coming back?" she asked.

"I promise," He smiled.

"Ok," she said, dropped everything that was in her hand and rushed to hug and kiss him good bye, "I love you Greg," she whispered into his ear.

"I love you too," he said and kissed the tip of her nose, "you be good ok."

"Ok," she said happily and returned to the mess that lay on the floor.

House walked out into the rain and down to his car. He had never experienced such strong feelings of love, like the love he felt for Cuddy and Rachel. He clung to the hope that everything would work out between him and Cuddy- that he wouldn't screw things up like he always did, because he was trying- really and truly trying.


	7. World War Three

Chapter 7: World War Three

House entered the clinic doors of the hospital later than he expected. After leaving Cuddy's he had run back to his place, showered and changed, and stopped for something to eat before finally making his way to the hospital. The rain still came down in sheets but the thunder had stopped. There would be no lounging on his patio today so the idea of sharing the office was once again fresh in his mind.

"House we need to talk," Wilson said as he came out of the clinic and walked beside his friend.

"Where are the twiddles?" House asked.

"They are doing rounds," Wilson answered.

"So what do you want to talk about?" House asked crossing the lobby.

"Look, House, I know the conditions are less than ideal right now. I had no idea that I would need to use your office when I accepted the fellowships, but I have been thinking it over and I really think it will be good for my department. Ultimately it won't be for very long and then we will be out of your hair," Wilson said apologetically.

"The up side to all of this, Wilson, is that they are putting your team in a closet," House said with a laugh, "I'll deal for now, smile and play nice, but watch yourself Wilson, my posse rules this yard!"

"I beg your pardon?" Wilson asked in confusion.

"We have years on your guys!" House said confidently, "my guys could out-diagnose your guys any day- with their eyes closed, and their hands tied behind their backs. Hey, that's sounds kind of kinky!" House concluded. "Makes me miss Thirteen for some reason" House added, smiling and raising a suggestive eyebrow at Wilson.

"Then why is it that you still call me in for consults on differentials where cancer may be involved? That's what I thought," Wilson said, answering his own question with a smirk on his face. "Ooooh SNAP!" Wilson finished, laughing.

"Oh Wilson, them be fightin' words!" House said, "You better watch yourself."

"I'm not afraid of you House!" Wilson laughed.

"My team is twice the size of your team!" House said mockingly. "In a fight to the death, I am sure to win."

"You have the disadvantage," Wilson mocked, "your team is all damaged goods, and their ring leader is a cripple!"

"Low blow Wilson, that was below the belt," House said warningly.

"I've never known you to play fair," Wilson mocked.

"We'll see who comes out on top of this one, Wilson," House said as he saw Cuddy coming out of her office, "I am the Germany to your Poland!"

"House!" Cuddy called across the lobby.

"Hey momma," House said.

"How's Rachel?" she asked.

"You aren't going to ask him why he's so late coming in today," Wilson asked stunned.

"He was with Rachel all morning. The thunder upset her and she clung to him." Cuddy said. "How did you get away?" she asked as she turned to House.

"I may or may not have made up a little story to put Rachel at ease." He said avoiding eye contact with either Wilson or Cuddy.

"What did you tell her?" Cuddy asked.

"Um… well it's a funny story. She brought up God being angry, so I countered with not anger, but just loudness, and finished with Elijah and Moses bowling in that huge alley in the sky." House said.

Cuddy laughed, "and she bought it?"

"Hook, line and sinker," House said.

"Well played sir," Cuddy smiled and headed back to her office.

"Did you just get an A+ in parenting 101?" Wilson asked.

"You can bet your ass I!" House said triumphantly. "That brings the score to House 1, Wilson nothing!" he cheered. "Actually the score is House 2, because I managed a patio make over. I don't see sweet furniture on your balcony!"

"And yet, I am still in your office, with my new fellows and can be there as often as I like." Wilson stated.

"You won't want to be there long," House said moving to hit the elevator button. "I'm watching you Wilson, sleep with one eye open!"

"Alright Hitler, but remember, you lost the war in the end!" Wilson said and turned back to the clinic just as the elevator doors opened to reveal Cicciliano.

"What was that?" she asked as he stepped into the elevator with her.

"In the game of life, there are winners and there are losers my dear Mussolini," House stated, "many, many losers" he emphasized. "Prepare yourself for Stalingrad,-winter is coming."


	8. The Planned Invasion

Chapter 8: The Planned Invasion.

House gathered his team around him in the office. It was their scheduled time in the conference room and he was planning to take advantage of, once again, having the office all to himself and his team.

"Alright, what have you found?" he asked as he paced by the white board.

The four young doctors stared at him.

"There's nothing, House," Taub said.

"We have looked. We went through all of the clinic files and raided the ER. There just aren't any mysteries right now," Cicciliano stated

"I'd settle for anything right now, just to make it look like we're busy," House said.

"Fractures, sniffles, STIs, that's all there is," Chase said.

"Damn," House cursed and took a seat at the table. "Then what are we going to do about Wilson?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Taub asked, "we have to go about our work and leave Wilson and his team to themselves."

"But that's no fun either," Chase said.

"Wilson and House have started World War Three," Cicciliano said. "It's been slow for us, so House's plan is to rally the troupes!" she added, a glimmer of mischief in her eyes.

"That's right, Mussolini," House nodded.

"So what do you have in mind?" Forman asked from the head of the table as he looked across at House.

"We have the conference room to diagnose in, so let's brainstorm," House said. "What can we do to sabotage Wilson without really causing any permanent and possibly life-threatening events?" he asked.

"Well they are the new kids on the block, and we've been around the block a few times so-to-speak," Chase said. "Let the hazing commence."

"Excellent my pretties," House hissed sarcastically.

"And what if we don't want to participate in this?" Taub asked.

"Are you saying you want to be Switzerland?" House asked.

"I just think because we are all adults that we shouldn't be making this into anything more than it is." Taub said.

"You are a killjoy and nobody likes you!" House said like a child.

"But where is the fun in that?" Chase asked Taub, "We're serious all the time. It's slow in the hospital; we have finished everything that we need to do, so why not mess around with the new guys?"

"Because it's adolescent and immature," Taub said.

"It's not going to hurt anyone!" Forman said.

"You are going to participate in this?" Taub asked.

"Yeah, I'm bored and I really don't see why Wilson needs a team. Cancer is cancer right?" Forman said, "Besides he has a whole department!"

"My thoughts exactly," House said, "besides I haven't really messed with Wilson since, oh man, before I hooked up with Cuddy. He's due!"

"Also, Forman," House added, addressing Forman, "make a note: if Taub elects not to participate, he's fired!"

"Now, as I was saying: it's just little things, like salt in the sugar dispenser, and stapling their files to the ceiling," House concluded.

"Next thing you know you'll want to TP our own office." Taub said, "This isn't some fraternity."

"We could TP Wilson's office," Cicciliano said.

"And wrap their cars in plastic wrap!" Chase said.

"They are all very good ideas!" House said as he stood and walked to the white board.

"What are you doing?" Forman asked, "if you write all this down they're going to know."

"That's why we need to write it in code," House said and put question marks across the top of the board and then wrote 'do not erase' under it. "Give me symptoms that would have the initials TP." He said and poised himself to write.

"Thrombocytopenia," Forman stated.

"Good." House said and scribbled it down.

"Put down Sodium Imbalance for the salt in the sugar shaker," Cicciliano said.

"And Celiac Disease for stapling Wilson's patient files to the ceiling," Chase added.

"You guys are good," House laughed, "My contribution will be Paraneoplastic Syndrome and Hyperplasia." He added and jotted them down.

"What for?" Cicciliano asked.

"Well, if you take one of these," House said as he pulled a latex glove out of his pocket, "and you blow it up like this," he added and demonstrated, "you get what?" he asked.

"A balloon with five fingers," Taub said unimpressed.

"No, you get an abnormal cell!" House said rolling his eyes.

"And if you have several abnormal cells that migrate together you get Hyperplasia!" Chase stated impressed with the idea.

"What are we filling with cells?" Forman asked.

"The janitor's closet!" House stated.

"Oh you're evil!" Cicciliano stated, "I'll bug the workers to see just how long we have to wait till it's finished. Then, before their first meeting in that room, we'll fill it to the brim!"

"And Paraneoplastic Syndrome is for plastic wrapping the cars of Wilson and his fellows, isn't it?" Forman asked.

"It is!" House smiled and wrote down one final symptom on his board.

"Hyper Hydration," Chase stated, "what is that for?" he asked.

"That one I will handle," House smiled and threw files across the table at his fellows.

"What's this?" Forman asked.

"Wilson is coming look busy!" Cicciliano stated as she saw what House saw.

"It could be Lupus," Taub said as Wilson stepped into the office.

"It's never Lupus!" House said and fell into his chair.

"You found a case?" Wilson asked looking at the white board, "those symptoms are all over the place."

"I know! It's cool right?" House said.

"At least it's something." Wilson stated.

"Yeah, I was really bored for a while!" House said as the team rustled their files.

"Are you going to be much longer?" Wilson asked.

"No, I think we're good, um you can have the office, and I'll just take my team into my office and tell them what I want!" House said as all five of them stood again and walked away, "Oh and Wilson don't erase my board- that's very important diagnostic material there. Actually..." House hung his on the top of the white board, and pushed it toward his adjoining office. "Never mind" House commented, we'll take our business elsewhere. This way I won't have to worry about you touching my markers either- and no, that's not a euphemism" House smiled to himself.

"Sure," Wilson said, looking confused as he walked away.

"Good cover," House said when Wilson was gone, "Mussolini, you take the man from the land down under and go to the store and get whatever supplies we may need to carry out our offensive. Here's some money, only buy the best! We need quality here people. 2 Pac- you go find out which cars are the new fellows' cars and make note of where they are, and if you would like to jump them and move them around just to screw with our new colleagues by all means, go for it. I can add Hyper Mobility to the white board if you want."

"No don't, I'm fine without it." Forman said rolling his eyes.

"As for you, Umpa Lumpa, you bring me all the latex gloves you can smuggle out of anywhere you can find them," House said to Taub and shooed his team away.

"And what shall we call you?" Cicciliano asked before she and Chase left, "you've seemed to give code names to all of us, it would only be fair for you to have a name as well."

"When you return, my minions, I will tell you, but for now I am the Brigadier General, or Das Furher if you'd prefer, Wilson did call me Hitler earlier," House said and laughed evilly.

Chase and Cicciliano walked out of the office and down the hall. House chuckled to himself; this was going to be more interesting than he thought and at least three out of four of his peeps were on board.


	9. Into Motion

Chapter 9: Into Motion.

After lunch House returned to his office a sack slung over his shoulder and a grin on his face. He found Cicciliano in the conference room by the coffee machine.

"How's our patient?" house asked as he came up beside her.

"The patient has become mobile," Cicciliano said handing House some sugar packets, "don't use that!" she said as she pointed to the sugar jar.

"Ah, a fine saline solution," House smiled.

"The banker's box beside your desk is filled with latex gloves and garbage bags. I put as many files as I had finished on top to make it look like you had some serious paper work to finish up," Cicciliano said, "which you actually should look at."

"I won't, and good thinking," House said and moved toward his desk.

"What's in the bag?" Chase asked as he and Forman walked into the office.

"Hyper Hydration," House said, "Go cross sodium imbalance off the board, it's already taken affect." He added and pulled a fuzzy white stuffed cat out of his sack.

"What is that for?" Cicciliano asked.

House sat down in his chair and began to stroke the cat.

"Doctor Evil?" Chase asked, "That's what you want us to call you?"

"For now," House smiled, "the cat is for Rachel, I picked it up while I was at the toy store."

"Do I want to know?" Forman asked.

"Hyper Hydration," Chase said excitedly, "nice move boss."

"It's totally hush, hush," House said, "it is the final faze of our evil plot."

"I found their cars by the way, and moved them for you." Forman said.

"I knew your juvenile record would serve me well one day." House smiled.

"I didn't boost the cars," Forman said, "I broke into their lockers and stole their keys and then returned them later."

"Nice!" Chase cheered and high-fived Forman.

"Wilson is heading this way," Taub said as he walked into the room.

"Act casual," House said as Wilson came to the door.

"House, did you take my car?" Wilson asked.

"No, I have mine," House said stroking the stuffed cat.

Wilson stared at him.

"Seriously, I have a patient; I have been here the whole time!" House said, "Man why am I always the first guy that gets blamed when you can't remember where you parked! Maybe you should get tested for Alzheimer's or something, you're loosing it!"

"You look less than convincing," Wilson said.

"Just because we are at war, doesn't mean I am going to steal your car," House said, "And the cat is for Rachel, she's coming to visit!"

Wilson rolled his eyes and left the office.

"Nice cover," Taub said sarcastically, "but you have guilt written all over your face."

"And you're short!" House retorted "Oh sorry, I thought we were having a 'state the obvious' contest- I'm not trying to look guilty on purpose- Honest! I mean, who would do that? It's just mean" House tittered. "Mussolini, what did you find out about the closet?" he asked changing the subject.

"Day after tomorrow, at the latest," She answered and fell into the chair in front of his desk.

Cuddy walked in minute later followed by the little bubbly girl.

"Greg!" she shouted.

"Hey!" House smiled.

"Hi Forman, Chase, Taub, Mussolini!" Rachel said addressing the gathering of doctors.

"Hi," they all responded to her.

"So, what's the plan Stan?" Rachel asked turning to House as he boosted her up and sat her on his desk.

"Stay out of trouble you two," Cuddy said as she left the office.

"Bye!" House and Rachel called after her.

"What does your t-shirt say, Rachel," Chase asked.

"TEAM HOUSE!" Rachel cheered.

"This, my minions, is mini-me!" House laughed.

"Why am I not surprised that you would find a way to monopolize on the biggest tween craze right now?" Cicciliano asked.

"You're just jealous because you want a Team House t-shirt." House said.

"Unless you are all about Team Wilson," Rachel said, "if you are, you are fired!"

"No, I am one hundred percent Team House," Cicciliano laughed, "and yeah I do want a T-shirt!"

"Good cause I had them made for all of us!" House said pulling them out of his bag. The vampire font scrolled across the fronts of all the t-shirt as the doctors laughed at the novelty.

"They aren't really t-shirts," House said, "I thought scrubs would be better. I kind of took the fad and made it my own!"

Cicciliano was the first to throw her new shirt over her head.

"Yay we are twins now!" Rachel cheered looking every bit the little doctor. Her Team House scrubs came complete with baby pink pants and top. She wore her mini lab coat and her pink stethoscope around her neck. Her hair was pulled into cute little pig tales that bobbed around as she moved.

"Do you want us all in our scrubs?" Chase asked still looking at the shirt.

"Yes he does!" Rachel answered.

"Then, I'll go change," Chase laughed.

"I would like you all to sport your uniforms!" House smiled, "this may get messy!"

House and Rachel waited in his office as the four others walked away. They returned shortly, dressed from head to toe in their own scrubs, and wearing their Team House tops. House laughed at the sigt as Rachel ran energetically into Forman's arms.

"You like it, Mini-House?" Forman asked with a laugh.

"This is so much fun!" Rachel shrieked. "You all look so good!"

"So what's next boss?" Cicciliano asked.

"Operation Paraneoplastic Syndrome," House said, "the enemy has office time in our office in three, two, one," he added and watched the others come round the corner.

Wilson and his team walked into the conference room and closed the door that lead into House's office. The two new fellows stared at the Team gather behind the glass and the team uniforms that they all sported. They watched as Wilson walked to the door and entered House's office.

"What do you have planned?" Wilson asked, a hint paranoia evident in his voice.

"Surgery," Chase said and left the room.

"Drug trials," Forman added and followed him out.

"Clinic," Taub said.

"Me, too," Cicciliano smiled and took Rachel by the hand, "And Rachel is going back to her mommy."

"Paperwork," House answered Wilson and picked up the stack of files beside his desk, "Man I have so much work to do!" he said, over-exaggerating as he flipped open the first file. "Don't you have your peeps to deal with?" he asked and motioned to the door.

"Whatever you are planning House, I don't like the looks of it!" Wilson said and walked away.

"Go Team House," House smiled to himself and stroked the stuff cat he had placed under his desk.


	10. Retaliation

Chapter 10: Retaliation.

Later that evening, when most of the hospital staff had left for the evening, Doctor Robinson and Doctor Bennett walked down to the parking garage. Wilson had warned them that something might be up with House and his group of misfits, so they were not surprised to see that their vehicles had been moved, but they were not expecting the extent of the prank that had been pulled.

"Does anyone actually work around here?" Robinson asked as she marveled at the amount of plastic wrap that covered her car, "it's going to take forever to get this stuff off!" She added, miffed.

"I didn't even know they made plastic wrap in different colours," Bennett shouted across the lot from his own vehicle.

"They got Doctor Wilson's car as well," Robinson stated as she scanned the lot, "I didn't think working here would end up being so juvenile."

"Yes you did," Bennett stated, "we all knew the reputation that precedes Doctor House. I was expecting far worse, actually," He said and pulled a utility knife out of his briefcase. "I don't expect this to end here. As long as we are occupying their office space, we will be tormented, but that doesn't mean we can't retaliate."

"I was always taught never to stoop to someone else's level," Robinson stated and helped pull the plastic away from the first vehicle."

"Then you will be a push-over!" Bennett retorted, "whereas I, for one, am not going to let them get away with this. I was in a fraternity in college before heading to med school; I know what a rite of passage this is going to be."

"So you suggest that we pull pranks on them?" Dr. Robinson asked as she searched the lot for some kind of trash receptacle.

"Absolutely! And I have a few ideas," Bennett nodded.

The next morning found Wilson and his fellows gathered once again in the conference room.

"How can you be so calm?" He asked as he watched the young woman and the burly young man stare at him as he paced.

Piper-Lyn Robinson was a young woman of slight build who specialized in pediatric oncology. Her demeanor was calm and collected, but her eyes told a different story- a flicker of mischief danced in those eyes, as she watched her new boss pace. She was more prone to being the silent observer but took great pleasure in the folly of man. Doctor House was a puzzle in and of himself and would be interesting to watch, mainly from a behavioral stand point.

William Jefferson Bennett was a burly man of African descent. His family had moved to the United States when he was just a baby and brought him up to respect his new country and the opportunities he had been given. Early on in his life, he had decided upon joining the police force, and indeed, his physical strength and personality would have served him well as an officer of the law, but after two years of police academy training, he went back to school, graduated top in his class and was accepted into Princeton's very prestigious medical school. This hospital was his Alma mater and he was very happy to have this job. Physically he looked nothing like a doctor, but he was soft spoken and yet quite aggressive, he was very proud to have found a place in oncology and was looking forward to working with Doctor Wilson, who also had a reputation as a very brilliant doctor.

"We've decided that it would be better for us to simply sit back and observe the hazing rituals as they progress." Bennett smiled.

"I don't believe you," Wilson said as he walked to the coffee machine.

"I hope you don't take sugar in your coffee, Doctor Wilson," Robinson said.

"I do, why?" Wilson asked.

"Because there is salt where the sugar should be," She answered.

"Aside for moving our cars and wrapping them in plastic wrap, we believe that there are other things that have been done to cause amusement for Doctor House and his fellows." Bennett said.

"And you're ok with this?" Wilson asked.

"Oh yes, it's all in good fun," Robinson answered.

"But we would suggest you don't use the adjoining door to try and get into House's office if you can avoid it." Bennett said and smiled at Robinson.

"What did you do?" Wilson asked.

"You'll see," Robinson smiled.

"House may have won the battle but the war ain't over yet," Bennett smiled .

Wilson was now beginning to piece together just what was going on.


	11. Match Point

Chapter 11: Match Point.

House arrived late as usual. He had been avoiding the hospital to let his team work. The less he was around the more time they had to set their plans in motion. He knew Wilson was upset by the car pranks, and he had been amused all evening as he listened to Rachel tell him how fun it was using plastic wrap on Wilson's car. He was also amused by the look on Cuddy's face as she realized that her little two year old was being corrupted and encouraged in her behaviour by House. House assured Cuddy that it had not been his idea to get Rachel involved and that his plan had only been to parade his Team House cheer leader before Wilson, which seemed to unnerve Wilson and make him paranoid, but Cuddy didn't completely believe that his team had taken it upon themselves to let Rachel help.

As usual he walked across the lobby, spotted some of his fellow's in the clinic and proceeded on to the elevator. Once on his floor he found Wilson once again in conference with his fellows. Wilson and House made eye contact and House laughed at him, then moved on to his own office. He didn't notice Doctor Robinson and Doctor Bennett lose interest in what Wilson was saying, but they both followed him with their eyes until he had disappeared behind the solid wall that sheltered his desk from view. House threw his sack in a corner and then leaned in to tune on his computer before sitting down. Blindly he pulled the chair to him.

Wilson heard the thud in the other room as Bennett and Robinson high fived each other.

"What did you do?" Wilson whispered.

"Removed all of the screws from his desk chair," Bennett stated.

Wilson laughed and turned as the limping Doctor House angrily moved to the door that opened into the side office. He looked angry but stepped back in shock and displeasure as he walked right into the door and it did not open as he pushed it.

Robinson and Bennett laughed hysterically as House tried the door again but it would not open into the office, then he tried pulling and the door swung effortlessly into him.

"Well played sir," House said as he stepped into the office and glared at Wilson.

"I had nothing to do with that, but I assure you, now that I know what my team is capable of, I will surely be involved in every other attack on you." Wilson laughed.

"Who flipped the hinges on the door?" House asked as he looked at the two fellows who tried to stifle their laughter.

"It was my idea, Doctor House," Robinson confessed.

"But you took the liberty of removing the supports of my chair while your tall burly friend did the hard work of tampering with my door. Well played, but you will have to do better than that," House said and turning he walked into the hallway and away from the office.

At the elevator he met Chase and Forman.

"They got you?" Chase asked, "We saw it when we snuck by to get to Wilson's office.

"Yeah, but that was child's play," House said, "I have a new idea."

"What are you going to do now?" Forman asked.

"I think I need you two to run a little errand for me." House said wickedly.

"What do you need boss?" Chase asked as all three of them stepped into the elevator and the door closed.

"I need as much shaving cream as you can get your hands on," House stated.

Forman and Chase smiled at each other and nodded at House.

When the elevator opened on the clinic level Forman and Chase walked right out the front doors while House walked into the clinic.

"Morning," he said to Cuddy at the nurses station.

"Good afternoon," Cuddy said, "what are you doing here?"

"Clinic duty," House answered picking up a file and heading for exam room one. "It's a beautiful day to cure some illnesses!" he said jovially and disappeared into an exam room.

"He's up to something," Cuddy said to the nurse and walked away.


	12. It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhoo

Chapter 12: It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood.

House stayed in the clinic for a little over an hour. Once again it was a slow day and he flew through the patients, relieving the congestion in the waiting room, and then handed the files over to the other doctors that were mulling about.

"It's been a slow week," one of the other doctors said as he checked out.

"Enjoy it while it lasts, cold season will be upon us before you know it," House said cheerfully and walked away.

"Is it just me or is Doctor House way too happy?" the doctor asked the nurse at the station.

"Yes, doctor," the nurse replied and went back to her work.

Shortly after arriving in his office to find a hand full of screws on his desk, a shattered chair on the floor and Wilson and his fellows waving and laughing at him from in the side office, Chase and Forman walked in carrying two big filing boxes.

"Cuddy wants us to go through these and pick the ones we think show your diagnostic skills to their highest potential," Chase said loud enough hat it would be heard in the other office but without being seen by the others he winked at House.

"Why?" House huffed and winked back.

"The Journal of European Medicine wants to publish some of your cases." Forman answered.

"I'm world famous Wilson!" House said as he moved into view of the other team, "Stick that in your pipe and smoke It!" he said flaunting his genius.

"Just do some work, House!" Wilson stated annoyed.

"Alright," House sighed louder then usual, "lets take it out on the balcony." He said and Chase and Forman followed him carrying the boxes with them.

The blinds in the side office were open but there was enough space to obscure much of what they were doing from the view. House sat down and motioned for his fellows to do the same. Through the window Wilson and the other could only see the tops of their heads.

"We don't have much time," House said quietly as he pulled the lid off of one of the boxes and saw that it was jammed full of shaving cream canisters.

"What are we doing?" Forman asked taking the lid of off his box to reveal even more of the foaming cream.

"It's elementary my dear Watson," House said leaning against the back of the sofa that was backed up against the divider between his balcony and Wilson's.

House grabbed a can out of the box, removed the lid and hit the nozzle against the concrete barrier. The nozzle broke, the cream started to foam out of it and he tossed the spewing can over the barrior, "Et voila!" House said.

Forman and Chase laughed and proceeded to do the same.

"Wilson is going to take his fellows on their rounds in another half hour; they will then find out that Cicciliano and Taub have stapled their patient files to the ceilings of most of their rooms while they slept. He will then run back to his office to call Cuddy and complain and find Thrombo has taken effect in his office. Once that is out of the way he will look out his balcony door and see that it is covered halfway up with unexplained white foam," House said.

Forman and Chase nodded and continued to wreak havoc on the cans of shaving cream.

"Well its not all white, some of it is blue, and green," Forman said, "we couldn't buy all the same brand cause sales people were getting suspicious. We had to go to like fifteen different places just to get enough."

"You did a great job," House laughed.

"The office space is running ahead of schedule," Chase said as he tossed another can over his shoulder, "we'll be able to put Hyperplasia into action tonight when they have left."

"Perfect," House smiled and tossed another can, a soft hissing coming from behind him. "It really is a beautiful day to be out here. I should have hassled Cuddy for this patio a long time ago."

"I agree," Forman said.

"I find it funny that while causing mischief we seem to be nothing but agreeable but as soon as we start diagnosing we fight light cats and dogs." Chase said musing over the events of the past few days.

"Nothing like a good plot to bring people together," Forman laughed.

Chase moved cautiously so as to not bring attention to himself, and looked over the barrier, the foam had already climbed up the wall and covered all of the floor of the adjoining balcony. "I would hate to be the guy cleaning that up," he laughed and fell back into the seat beside House.

House high-fived Chase as he observed the damage himself and returned to what he was doing. "I just hope it doesn't spill over to our side."

"Pull the sofa away from the wall before we leave, then at least we won't ruin our furniture. I don't think their will be enough to do much damage on our side." Chase said.

"I think you are right, it may muffin top on us, but I don't think that its going to have too much seepage," House said, "we'll add Vaginal Secretion to our list of symptoms to really mess with Wilson's head," he added with a laugh, "he already thinks our current case is all over the place."

"It's good code for what we've just done," Chase laughed, "but I hope that Wilson doesn't realize that no disease shows this grouping of completely random symptoms."

"You don't know that. There may be some disease out there that follows all of our symptoms," House.

"Google all of the symptoms together and see if anything comes up," Forman said.

"I don't think you'll find anything, or if you do, how do you know if the site is reputable?" Chase asked, "If you could believe everything you read online, then we would be out of jobs. People would be diagnosing themselves."

"But I would be curious to see if anything came up, just to disprove it if I could," House said contemplating the idea.

"God Bless Google," Forman laughed.

"Just something else for you to waste your time on today; make it look like you are busily curing patients," Chase said.

"And this is why I have a team," House said as he tossed another can over his shoulder.


	13. Waiting in Anticipation

Chapter 13: Waiting in Anticipation.

House and his team left the hospital shortly after Wilson took his team off to start their rounds. They wanted to be far enough away to not be present to be forced to make the clean up. Stopping on their way to House's they picked up take out and wine and gathered together to wait out the remainder of the day before sneaking back in for the last in their battle strategy. Forman had brought the box that Taub had filled with latex gloves with him. The plan was to fill the gloves like balloons while they waited and they would return with garbage bags filled later in the evening.

The team gathered around House's living room, as House placed himself at the piano. The wine was uncorked and the impromptu staff party commenced.

"What do you think they will do in retaliation?" Taub asked. "Should we all sleep with one eye open?"

"They don't seem that creative," House stated.

"The door hinges was good, but it would have only worked with that kind of door. It was kinda obvious," Chase said.

"They haven't done anything directed at the team," Forman added, "Everything so far has been directed at House."

"Take out the Shepherd and the ship is doomed," Cicciliano stated, "its an obvious battle strategy, Wilson just isn't one to retaliate. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't even know that his team had taken steps to sabotage us."

"The difference between us, is that we have been working together for far longer," Chase answered, "House's methods of teaching is to get us to do all the work ourselves before he has to step in, whereas Wilson will try to lead his team. They don't realize we can survive without House and come up with our own ideas to work against them."

"And because we're bored with how slow everything has been we have a lot of time on our hands," Forman laughed.

"You need me," House stated as he played the theme from M*A*S*H on the piano, "I've come up with some of the better ideas we've had."

"You always come up with the better idea, the better diagnosis," Taub said.

"The right diagnosis," House added.

Once the team had exhausted the take out they had brought, pizza was ordered and the gloves began to fill House's living room.

"I feel light-headed!" Cicciliano giggled as she tied off another rubber glove and shoved it into a garbage bag.

"Mussolini you are cut off," House said taking her wine glass away, "we still have to get back to the hospital. I need you sober enough to drive." He added.

"We brought saline in the event the Italian can't hold her wine!" Chase teased.

"You want to hook me up to a saline drip to curb my intoxication?" Cicciliano asked insulted by the idea.

"It's happened before!" Forman smiled, "I am sure it will happen again!"

"Or you could just start drinking coffee," Taub said as the phone began to ring.

"Alright team here we go!" House said as he put the phone on speaker and motioned to everyone to be quiet.

"House what were you thinking?" Cuddy asked over the phone.

"I was thinking that it was ironic to use a song like suicide is painless for a show about officers running a mobile hospital unit in the midst of a war," House said.

"You know what I mean!" Cuddy said.

"Is Wilson being a whiner?" House asked.

"You toilet papered his office and flooded his balcony with god knows what." Cuddy practically yelled.

"It wasn't me!" House said sarcastically, "it was my evil twin."

"House I want this foolishness to stop!" Cuddy said. "The hospital is not your fraternity; I can't have you pulling these childish pranks! You are setting a terrible example for Rachel and it's unprofessional."

"I'm not the only one to blame!" House said, "my team has been instrumental in the concocting of these random acts of hilarity!" he said.

"They aren't random, they are to get Wilson and his team out of your office," Cuddy said annoyed.

"Yeah, and they are funny!" House laughed.

"Wilson and his fellows move into their new office tomorrow. You'll be left alone. This stupid war between you had better end." Cuddy said and hung up.

"I'm in trouble!" House sang.

"We're almost finished with these!" Chase said as he let one of the rubber gloves fly around House's apartment.

"The final phase of our evil scheme is about to begin." House smiled and put on a pot of coffee.


	14. That's all you got?

Chapter 14: That's all you got?

With much coaxing and five vehicles later, all of the latex gloves had found their way into the underground parking at Princeton Plainsboro. Although the hospital had been quiet for almost a week, there were still a lot of people that filled the halls and so it made things far more interesting. House and his team made their way up to their office before attempting their stunt and were shocked as they walked through the bustling halls.

"Does no one sleep around here?" Chase asked as they passed a group of nurses on their way back from their evening meal.

"Clearly they have too much doctoring to do," House said as they turned and walked into his office. "Is that all you've got?" House asked rhetorically as he looked around. The conference table and chair, as well as his coffee maker and computer desk were fixed to the ceiling.

"I didn't think Wilson had that in him!" Forman said looking around.

"I wonder how they got the stuff up there," Taub said, "it looks like it could fall at any second. This could be really dangerous."

"Well it's going to come down really quickly," House said, "Forman, you and Chase handle putting the office back to the way it was. If that means getting every maintenance man and janitor in this building up to this room to get our furniture down, then do it. Taub, check the balcony. Make sure my patio is still fine and see if Vaginal Secretion has been cleaned up yet," he said as a terrible fit of the giggles hit the team, "Cicciliano, you and I will implement Hyperplasia," he instructed and everyone got to work.

"How are you going to get into the office?" Forman asked.

"I'll pick the lock," House said as he moved to leave.

"Don't worry about it," Cicciliano stated, "I have the key."

"How did you get it?" Taub asked.

"I was really into slight of hand as a little kid." Cicciliano confessed, "I stole it from Cuddy, right in front of her face," she said. "Look, there's nothing up my sleeves," she added and with a wave of her hand and a wiggle of her fingers the key appeared in her palm. "Tada!"

"I knew there was a reason to keep you, Mussolini!" House smiled and they continued with their work.

All of the garbage bags, filled with latex balloons, made it up through the hospital with relative ease. House took the elevator down to the service level of the hospital while Cicciliano unloaded each different vehicle. House road with the garbage bags up to his floor and lucky for him the Janitor's Closet that was to be Wilson's new conference room was located directly to the left of the elevator and opposite the stairwell. House piled the garbage bags in the alcove that served as the new entrance to the office and went back for another load, while Cicciliano returned one car to the parking garage and moved another.

Finally, before midnight, the office was filled to capacity with hundreds of latex gloves and the furniture was removed from the ceiling of House's office.

"Tomorrow morning I want you all up here before Wilson gets to the office and before his team has time to go and check out their new sanctuary." House said. "Cicciliano, slip into Cuddy's office at some point, make an excuse, and return the key. We will have one final prank to pull off before this is all over."

"Hyper Hydration?" Chase asked.

"That's the one," House smiled, "the unusable office will be the last straw for Wilson, he will barge in here to give me shit. When that happens we will be waiting for him and his team."

"Are you going to fill us in?" Taub asked.

"No but I suggest wearing your Team House scrubs. Things may get a little messy and we wouldn't want you all to look bad for the rest of the day." House said. "Just be here early."

"You don't have to tell us, we're not the ones who are always late," Forman said sarcastically.

"Oh I will set my alarm and I will be here early," House said, "I'm not going to miss this!"

They all parted ways, ready for the final day and the conclusion of the case that wasn't really a case. There was but one symptom left on their white board that had not had a line scratched through it. Hyper Hydration was yet to come; it would be the grand finally to a week of torture, the hazing ritual was about to come to an end.


	15. Flying the White Flag

Chapter 15: Flying the White Flag.

House arrived back at the hospital before all of his fellows. They found him, looking very pleased with himself, and dressed in his finest suit and tie.

"What's this all about?" Chase asked, sporting his scrubs.

"I would like to be called H today," House stated.

"Alright H, what do you have for us?" Cicciliano smiled with mischief in her eyes.

"Well double O's, I have some new gadgets for you today," House stated, "these are your weapons. Easily concealed, and highly dangerous," he added as he passed the weapons around. "They are only to be used on Wilson and his peeps. Understood?"

"Yes H," They all chimed together and pocketed their weapons.

As the hour drew near, and Wilson's arrival loomed, the team dispersed themselves around the office. Coffee was made, files were read and House sat, patiently, properly, and completely poised for his final attack. He was certain that it would work out just as he had planned it. The fellows would arrive and congregate near the clinic until Wilson arrive because Cuddy had not yet given them the keys, or if she had, they would not go without Wilson. They would come upstairs together and check to see how his team was reacting to the upturned office; they would be shocked because everything was just the way it ought to be. They would walk down the hall, with Wilson, filled with excitement at the novelty of having their own office and then the mayhem would begin.

When the time finally came and House saw Wilson walk down the hall a twisted smile crossed his face. Wilson noticed it but kept walking.

"Get ready," House said from his desk loud enough for everyone to hear and his team turned to watch.

Moments later Wilson, followed by Doctor Bennett and Doctor Robinson, walked past House's office once again they all looked in at the crew busy about their days, their furniture and they spirits firmly grounded and then they disappeared from view.

"House!" Wilson yelled moments later as he burst in the door, "first you want me out of your office and then you pull this, you know I have work to do and now where am I going to do it?" Wilson asked angrily as he and his team entered the office.

House's team rushed in to head the verbal war that was about to take place.

"Why can't you just grow up?" Wilson asked fuming.

"Whose idea was it to fix the furniture to the ceiling?" House asked calmly from his desk, tenting his fingers and grinning.

"It was my idea," Wilson stated.

"We had already pulled that stunt off," House said, "admit that you were inspired by all the files we fixed to the ceilings."

"Fine," Wilson said, "yeah that's where I got the idea from."

"Oh Wilson, you need to think of some better plans, and because of that you have to pay." House said as he stood behind his desk. "Team, Fire!" he shouted and each and every one of his fellows pulled a water gun from their pockets and soaked Wilson and his team.

Team Wilson stood shocked, soaked and completely humiliated in the middle of House's the office.

"Stop!" Wilson yelled.

"You win!" Robinson cried.

"Do you surrender Wilson?" House asked as Wilson stood before him, surrounded by House's team, and soaking wet.

"Yes, I surrender," Wilson stated, "you win!"

"My team is far superior to yours, say it!" House said smiling wickedly.

"My team has nothing on yours," Wilson said and he heard a cheer rise from House's team.

"Alright, that's enough troupes," House said and his team lowered their weapons. "Mussolini, cross Hyper Hydration off our list."

"You mean there was no case?" Wilson asked in shock.

"No case," House smiled, "Only codes for your sabotage."

"And it has been staring at me this whole time?" Wilson asked.

"Yeah," House laughed, "you couldn't figure it out and so we've proved once again just how brilliant we are," he said and turned to Wilson's fellows who stood dripping wet as well, "you should take some lessons from my guys; they know what they are doing. They are brilliant doctors and completely loyal. If there is anything you will learn here, it's how to work as a team and respect one another. I hope my lesson has found a way to register with you both." He said and took his seat once again.

"It has," Bennett stated, "I look forward to working with you." He added addressing those on House's staff.

"We'll go easy on you from now on," Forman said with a smile, "we'll learn a lot from each other I'm sure, but know, we're pretty brilliant and there are a lot of things in medicine that will play tricks on you. You'll have to be cunning, and forceful. It really isn't a profession for the weak of heart."

"After this experience we're sure to have a back bone," Robinson stated.

"You'll need it," Taub smiled.

"Alright get to work," House said falling back into his chair, "find me a case!"

"Your pranks were child's play," Chase said as he and Forman walked passed Bennett and Robinson and headed out of the office

"Here's a pin, you better get popping," Cicciliano said handing Robinson a safety pin and following her colleagues.

"Its all about team work," Taub said with a shrug and also left.

"Go get cleaned up," Wilson said.

Bennett and Robinson turned and left the room, sloshing down the hall as they went.

"You know your evil, don't you?" Wilson said once House and he were left alone in the office.

"Yeah, but you were due for something crazy," House smiled. "And I taught your team a valuable lesson. Respect!"

"Your team made you proud then?" Wilson asked.

"I have myself the best group of doctors in this hospital and don't you forget it!" House smiled and threw a bundle at Wilson, "you might need these." He added.

"What are they?" Wilson asked and unfolded the bungle in his hands.

"Scrubs," House smiled.

Wilson sighed heavily and turned to leave, he would be sporting a Team House uniform for the rest of the day. House sat back in his chair, he was very pleased with how his team performed and he realized just how loyal they really were- even Taub. He was happy to have such a strong support system.

The picture frame on his desk flashed another picture of Rachel, he smiled to himself, and the day passed as most days for Doctor Gregory House.


End file.
